The Onion:
Dollar Bill On Floor Sends Wall Street Into Frenzy
NEW YORK—Wall Street investors experienced a sudden surge in optimism Tuesday when, after six tumultuous weeks that saw record drops in the Dow Jones industrial average, a $1 bill was spotted on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange.
The dollar bill was discovered in the northwest corner of the trading floor at approximately 12:05 p.m., and its condition was reported as "crinkled, but real." Word of the tangible denomination of U.S. currency spread quickly across the NYSE, sending traders into a frenzied rush of shouting, arm-flailing, hooting, hollering, and, according to eyewitnesses, at least one dog pile.
"With credit frozen and the commercial paper market poised on the brink of collapse, this is the most promising development I've seen on Wall Street in months," said floor trader Tim Formato, one of hundreds who gathered around the $1 bill and excitedly called their clients to inform them that they were looking at actual U.S. tender. "I think I touched it."
According to witnesses, the trading floor was soon abuzz with energy, as traders pointed at the dollar and repeatedly shouted "Look!" and "Money!" A proposal to divide the $1 note into 1,300 equal pieces and distribute them amongst investors was considered, but ultimately rejected. Early reports estimate the dollar may have passed through as many as 65 hands before disappearing in the late afternoon.
De la misma agencia, no se pierdan la exclusiva: la causa de la crisis mundial fue revelada.
Son unos maestros.
ReplyDelete