Political Systems

El post anterior sobre la leche me hizo acordar a este chiste:

Political Systems

Feudalism
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Theoretical Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in The People’s barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you milk according to your needs.

Real Life Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in The People’s barn with everyone else's cows. Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the ration book says you need.

Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Communism
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.


Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Perestroika
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.

Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The Khmer Rouge takes both and shoots you. Some months later they shoot the cows as well.

Dictatorship
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Collectivist Utopia
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Bureaucratic Collectivist Utopia
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

Latin American Capitalism
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both cows, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Capitalism
You don't have any cows. The bank won't lend you any money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows.

Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Chavism
You had a pasture and two cows. The Revolución took them from you. The Revolución returned the pasture to you but kept the cows. The newly created dairy state company then hired you to take care of the cows on your pasture and exported the milk to the US.

Revolution, Asian Style
In a country where natural resources are abundant, you have more than two cows and a huge pasture. The Party comes to you and confiscates your property. If you are female, you are raped at gun point. If you are male, you are forced to watch. Females are kept alive to look after the cows and to be abused. Under some circumstances, some male will survive with life-long injuries, nightmares and permanently crippled. But in most circumstances they are shot dead at blank point or left behind with fatal wounds to die eventually. Atrocity apologists like Noam Chomsky will never get tired of repeating it was all a propaganda campaign orchestrated by the US to steal the cows.